Here's what my editor says (below). I have no idea how to make her happy, so your job is to rewrite the piece and make her happy.
Just GO TO TOWN! Go crazy, write some FUCKING GREAT SHIT, building from the scrap of my stuff she was into, and kind of, I guess, follow her lead about what would be great. So, she likes what you see in the linked document (also below). And, what'd she say in her note...? She wants more anecdotes? Free association sort of gonzo anecdotes that zip along? She even says that lies are okay! So, like I say, go to town. I don't care if any of the stuff is true, myself. It just needs to be crazy great writing.
So: (1) Read her note; (2) Open the attached document; (3) read the stuff she liked, plus her suggestions for making it better; (4) make her dream come true and complete the rewrite (1700 - 2000 words, total) so that it rocks.
The total wordcount, when you're done, should be between1700 and 2000. I've already given you at least 800 of those (see the attachment), so I'm paying $20 for the rest. Remember: something sucked about what I did but YOU FUCKING ROCK, so bring it on!
my editor's note...
matthew,
hi! thanks again for your patience. i appreciate it. deadlines for this
issue have been interesting...
i was finally able to connect with my colleague about the piece, and sit down
with
it quietly myself afterward to be able to convey our thoughts about it to
you.
firstly, i really enjoyed it.
it's a great and complete piece, but as it stands right now, i'm not sure
it's right for this opening section of our magazine, the tone of which is
difficult to convey, but which i'd like to talk with you about, maybe on the
phone. i actually think the piece as is has a premise that would work really
well for the section, so i have two propositions for you, and am wondering
if either of them appeals, as i know you've already put time and energy into
this draft.
one: working from the title and first several paragraphs you have now,
retooling the focus of where it goes. i know that i encouraged (suggested?)
the focus on what you're doing with alternative ed, and i think it might
still work to have that be the predominant theme, but reading the piece with
this section in mind, i think what would work better would be for the piece
to progress from the rhythm you establish in the beginning (police station,
new job, sex offenders coincidence) into a specific
story/anecdote/truth(lie?) rather than a description of the class, even
though i like what you wrote about it. maybe it wouldn't even have to do
with the class, i'm open to other ideas as well. i don't want to seem too
abstract here, so would be happy to talk through all of this over the
telephone today or tomorrow (or i could call you).
two: you don't want to redo this piece and we try again for this (quickly)
or another issue with more of a discussion first about the specifics of the
piece.
(three): neither of above, although i'm hopeful one of them might appeal...
a lot of the pieces for this section seem to have been
written
quickly, within 24 or 48 hours, so the point isn't to make a majorly edited
text, but something like a readable in-progress draft, like we're catching
you midway in a new thought you were telling as a story in a bar (or your
kitchen)...
how much of this does/doesn't make sense?
your thoughts?
i've attached a draft with a few minor edits in the beginning, and bolded
text where i think the more specific focus could take shape. also some
moments from below that perhaps could be drawn from...?
thanks for considering these thoughts. i look forward to hearing back from
you.